Catastrophic Cooking Lessons
by Chibineko1
Summary: Goku's bored one day, so Hakkai decides to give him some cooking lessons. Catastrophe in the making. One shot. Please R&R.


Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Saiyuki characters.  
  
A/N: Okay, I had this urge to write this. Goku's bored and Hakkai decides to teach the funny little monkey to cook. One shot. Have fun.  
  
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Catastrophic Cooking Lessons  
  
"I'm bored!" Goku moaned as he lay lazily, sprawled on the couch. Sanzo had gone for a walk around the town and Gojyo had gone out 'women-hunting', and he and Hakkai were stuck at the Inn they were staying at with absolutely nothing to do.  
  
"Well, you could go find Sanzo," Hakkai suggested, keeping his eyes on the book he was reading.  
  
"Why? So he can whap me with his fan again for 'disrupting his peace'?"  
  
"He would never hit you for that reason."  
  
"He did last time!"  
  
"No offense Goku, but if I had been woken up because you and Gojyo decided to take your fist fights into my room, I'd be angry too."  
  
"He didn't have to kick us out the window!"  
  
"You guys knocked him out of his bed! And then, when trying to get Gojyo off of you, you kicked him in the-"  
  
"Okay, I get the point! I'm just so bored!" Goku's stomach growled. "And hungry."  
  
Hakkai sighed and set down his book on the coffee table. "Well, since you're bored and I'm probably never going to get through this book...wanna learn how to cook?"  
  
"Huh?" Goku looked up at Hakkai and in seconds he was right in front of him. "Really?!"  
  
Hakkai blinked. "Yeah, of course," he said trying to back away from Goku, who was too close for comfort.  
  
"YEAH!" Goku shouted. "THAT WAY I CAN MAKE FOOD WHEN I WANT, AND AS MUCH AS I WANT, AND NO ONE COULD STOP ME!" the saru had a creepy glint in his eye.  
  
Hakkai was trying to shrink himself. Not only was Goku scaring him, he was also creating a scene as half the people staying at the Inn, looked into the room to see what all the noise was.  
  
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"Now, Goku. Remember what I told you," Hakkai said as he pulled out some bowls and ingredients and set them on the table.  
  
"Which one?" Goku asked. "The one where I should wash my hands or the one where I can't eat the stuff until it's cooked?"  
  
"For now, the one where you should wash your hands," Hakkai smiled as Goku went over to the sink and began cleaning his hands. They hadn't even started yet and Hakkai already knew this would be an interesting day.  
  
"Okay," Goku said once he was done. "Now what?"  
  
"Now, we figure out what we want to cook."  
  
"How about-"  
  
"And no turkeys or anything big."  
  
"Aww! Okay...cookies then!"  
  
"Alright," Hakkai looked into the cupboards and pulled out a cookbook. The Inn's owner, an old woman, let the people make their own recipes if they wanted to, and so had separate kitchens where they could cook. Or, if they just wanted to cook and had no recipes, she had cookbooks with recipes of all kinds.  
  
"Ah, here we are," Hakkai said as he flipped through the book and found the 'cookie page'. "Which kind do you want to make?" Goku looked at the different kinds of cookies intensely as if this was the hardest decision he'd ever make. Hakkai just stood off to the side, smiling.  
  
"These!" Goku said as he eagerly pointed to a recipe. "Chocolate chip cookies. Okay," Hakkai said as he took the book and went over the ingredients and directions. "Alright, Goku. I'll give you the directions and you can get the stuff. First, you need a cup of sugar."  
  
"Okay!" Goku went over and looked through the cupboards until he found the ones with the big bags in it. He brought over one of the bags and scooped out one cup. "Uh, Goku?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"That is salt, my friend."  
  
"Huh?" Goku looked at the other side of the bag that wasn't facing him, and, sure enough, written in big, bold letters was S-A-L-T.  
  
"Oh," Goku put back the cup of salt and returned the bag, pulling out the bag of sugar, which he made sure to read. He then measured one cup and poured it into a bowl.  
  
Hakkai then told him other ingredients and then add 3 eggs. Goku did. They then took a small break and got out some milk and drank a cup. Hakkai then looked through the cupboards and found an electric hand-held mixer. Here's where things went wrong. He plugged it in and gave it to Goku to stir the stuff while he got the oven ready, thinking Goku would be all right.  
  
He never made a bigger mistake.  
  
Goku, being unsure of how to work it (A/N: And being the silly little monkey we all know and love) turned it on 'full speed' while it was in the bowl.  
  
"Aaaaahhhhhhh!!!" Flour and sugar and eggs and all sorts of stuff went everywhere. What's worse, the cord was pretty long and started to wrap itself around Goku's face, for the monkey had let go of the mixer. "AH! HAKKAI! IT'S ATTACKING ME!!!" Hakkai was too preoccupied trying to wipe out egg goo that flung like missiles into his eyes.  
  
"HAKKAI!!!" Goku shouted. "I can't see Goku," Hakkai replied as he started slipping on the eggs on the floor. Meanwhile, Goku was scrambling furiously on the floor to get the cord off of him. He then stood up and made a mad dash in a direction.  
  
Fortunately, he succeeded in turning off the mixer by yanking out the cord in his 'mad dash'. UNfortunately, the direction he chose to run in was that of where the gallon of milk was that they had taken out. The lid was off so when Goku ran into it, it succeeded in pouring all over him.  
  
Hakkai had finally wiped off the egg and flour that was blinding him and got up only to see Goku running around blindly, covered in milk hitting cupboards and knocking out their contents. "Goku! Look out for the bag of sug-" too late. Goku hit it full impact. In his attempt to grab Goku before he hit the bag, Hakkai too was poured with sugar all over him.  
  
He then grabbed Goku. "AH! HAKKAI! SOMETHING'S GOT ME!"  
  
"Yes, that would be me."  
  
Goku began to settle down and Hakkai let go of him and told him not to move, seeing as he didn't want the boy to get strangled again. He then looked around at the mess they had made in the kitchen. He whistled. "Dang," he said in astonishment. Goku had done more than spill milk. He had broken many of the dishes in the cupboards; not to mention breaking the cupboards themselves.  
  
"We're gonna have to clean this up Goku," Hakkai said as he calmly removed the cord off of Goku's head. Goku stood up and looked around. He sweat dropped.  
  
"All of it?" Goku asked in a whiney voice.  
  
"Yes, my friend," Goku moaned and fell over.  
  
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After the two had cleaned up the mess, Hakkai decided to make something different.  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Something simple, like tea."  
  
"Any mixers involved?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Okay then."  
  
"First we need to find a teapot."  
  
"You know what?" Goku asked, thinking hard. "I think I broke that."  
  
"Well, if you did, then there's apparently two in this kitchen."  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"There's one behind you, my friend."  
  
Goku looked behind himself, and sure enough, there was indeed a teapot "Oh." He picked it up and gave it to Hakkai. "You have to fill it with water first, Goku." He said, handing it back to the boy.  
  
"Ah." Goku went to the sink and filled it up.  
  
"Now what?" he asked.  
  
"Now you put it on the stove and turn it on."  
  
So, Goku walked over to the stove, put the teapot on, and turned the temperature on high. "What now?" he asked. "Now we wait till it boils," Hakkai said, leaving the room and then coming back with a book. "Gonna take a while?" Goku asked. Hakkai nodded.  
  
So the time went by and Goku just paced around while Hakkai read his book. A few minutes went by when Hakkai heard Goku say something. "Hakkai? Is it supposed to do that?"  
  
Hakkai turned around only to see water boiling over. "Ah! Goku you need to take it off the stove."  
  
"OK!" Goku quickly dashed over and picked up the pot....by the sides.....with his bare hands......like-an-idiot.  
  
"AH!!! HOT!!! HOT!!!!" Goku shouted, tossing the teapot around in his hands.  
  
"Goku, you've got to hold it by the handle," Hakkai said.  
  
"AAAHHH!!! HOOTTT!!!!" Goku jumped and tossed the pot as water poured down his shirt.  
  
Hakkai caught the pot, but not by the handles. So, he too began tossing the pot. He tried to grab in by the handle, but that was hot too. It burned his hand because he had gripped metal and he tossed it back to Goku. Who in turn tossed it back to Hakkai, who tossed it back to Goku, who tossed it back to Hakkai and so on and so forth.  
  
And every time one of them tried to set it down, they'd burn themselves or spill water on themselves, or it would slip. Goku had it and tossed it around in his hands again. The water was still hot and the pot was still half full.  
  
"Goku, be careful!" Hakkai shouted over the noise. Too late (A/N: Yet again). Goku had slipped on the spilled water and the teapot went flying, as did Goku. "Ow," Goku moaned, as he stood up. He heard Hakkai gasp and looked up at him.  
  
"What is it?" He asked.  
  
"Well, um, Goku, I think you should run," Hakkai said, sweat dropping a bit.  
  
"Huh?" Goku didn't understand. However, he did when he looked toward the doorway. ALL too well. There, standing in the doorway, teapot on his head, was Sanzo. Gojyo stood next to him, partially soaked, and twitching, but Sanzo had received the worst of it.  
  
He pulled out his fan. "You-little..." he growled, tightening his grip on his fan. Veins were popping all over his face.  
  
"Maa maa, Sanzo. It was just an accident," Hakkai said, trying to calm the monk. Too late. He was PISSED.  
  
"BAKA SARU!!!" Sanzo began whacking Goku mercilessly. Gojyo eventually joined in and stomped the monkey.  
  
"OW! OW! COME ON, YOU GUYS! OW! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!! AH! OW! OW! HAKKAI!!!" Goku yelled. He then kicked at Goyjo, who fell on Sanzo, and then dashed away like mad.  
  
"GET BACK HERE, BAKA!!!" Gojyo said, chasing after him. Sanzo, however, had put away his fan, feeling his revenge was satisfied.  
  
"What have you been doing?" he asked, instantly in front of Hakkai.  
  
"I was teaching him how to cook," Hakkai said.  
  
Sanzo looked around at the broken cupboards and then at the trashcan, full of broken dishes, and sweat dropped.  
  
"And did he learn anything?" Sanzo asked, although he could already guess.  
  
"Well, if anything, he learned what not to do," Hakkai said as he smiled and watch as Goku frantically ran from Gojyo.  
  
"I suppose that's all you can expect from him," Sanzo said, drying out his hair. "Catastrophe in cooking."  
  
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END! PLEASE R&R! 


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